Conscious listening

There’s no time like the very first month of a new school year when patience and listening is more important. Learn more about conscious listening…

Anyone who has ever been a parent or worked in education would tell you that this is a transitional time of year when kids return to school after the long Summer break and it can be challenging for everyone – adults and young people alike.

From the new organisational logistics: going to bed a bit earlier, waking up in time, remembering your bag and lunch, the stress of the journey, and then adjusting to new people and new environments once you arrive can stress the calmest of people, let alone in a year when there has been a pandemic and we are all trying to follow new rules; masks, buckets of hand sanitiser and social distancing to name but a few! It’s too much sometimes – amazing we have all survived this far.

When we are working with young people we try our best to put ourselves into their shoes to try to get a better understanding of why and what they are feeling – its easy to forget that underneath a calm and seemingly happy exterior they may be very unsettled underneath and making a huge effort trying to ‘hold it together’ – possibly only until they get home. (Important to add I could very easily be talking about adults as well!)

As ‘grown-ups’ we should (hopefully) have some coping strategies to build our resilience to new situations but many young people do not have those tools yet and it’s our duty to equip them, to help them face changes and new situations without stressing.

Students with additional things to process have more issues to conquer and the beginning of term is a complicated and demanding time even when doing enjoyable activities.

We can’t assume anything either – everyone is different and has had a different experience of their Summer break – some people love to be back in school having got bored or having had a difficult time, and others would rather curl back up in their beds or just stay home rather than face people again and the demands put upon them at school. (I can write this as a teacher and as a parent and can assure you that even the smallest of demands can be tough on everyone).

Life can be really difficult – things happen – we try to change it, or reduce the factors but we often cannot do anything about it – it’s not our fault, sometimes nobodies; but it is our responsibility to try and help our kids and people in our lives learn to cope with what life throws at them and learn from each experience even when we get it wrong.

We try to make the school transition as easy as possible for our students and we are fortunate to have the woods around us helping us to provide therapeutic, meaningful and fun activities but also to have a good ratio of available adults to be present for our students.

I was inspired to write this after a conversation this morning at the gate whilst we waited for our students to arrive – reminding us about the importance of consciously listening and just being present – and especially right now, at this time of year with all the new challenges and changes we are facing.

By ‘conscious listening’ – we are listening without making any assumptions or projecting any of our own issues or making judgements; we also try not to input any personal gains, opinions, fears or beliefs during those conversations when a person trusts you enough to talk.

It is only by doing this that we can begin to listen solely for the purpose of understanding and so making a real connection.

‘Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, most listen with the intent to reply’.

This all may sound obvious or even easy to some, but in busy new times and transitions, when there is a lot of excitement and ideas about the new term ahead, as adults – parents, case workers and teachers alike – we have so much to get through we often forget that all people really need sometimes to make a connection is for us to be present and pay attention.

So for everyone who has made it this far this September – try to take a deep breath, slow down and give yourself and your kids a pat on the back for surviving : remind yourself it’s a tough time for everyone and it’s going to get a lot easier as everything settles down.

In the meantime, just listen… and find someone to listen to you.