Whatever happened to all the cake?

So as most of my colleagues (current and former) know, I love food and could well be described as having a sweet tooth with an astounding ability to eat large quantities of most things (but especially cake/biscuits).

This is not the first job where people have suggested I shouldn’t be left unsupervised near supplies of such treats – I was actually given the name ‘bad biscuit boy’ for my ability to locate and consume them by a previous employer!

Generally supervision doesn’t address my lack of politeness when cake is brought out though – just so you know, I am aware.

Anyway, long long ago in a woodland not far away it used to be the custom that Friday was cake day, whereby a cake was purchased (usually from the honesty box at ‘cake farm’ down the road) and this was served up at the close of play (often with the students getting a share too). As the staff team grew it was more often the case that the Friday cake was saved till after 3pm to ensure there was enough to go round. There were also occasional spontaneous cake days, sometimes where the cake was bought in conjunction with a student as part of an off-site activity.

Along the way ‘cake farm’ started making their now legendary and much revered bakewell tarts and Adam and I started ‘cake club” which was a closed shop of reciprocal cake sharing. A long departed colleague tried to join but quickly fell foul of our standards by bringing in malt loaf as her contribution – malt loaf?!

With the staff numbers still increasing the Friday cake supply moved more often to two of coop’s truly irresistible cakes and then three to make sure there was a piece for everyone which while much appreciated did feel like a decline in quality to address a shortfall in quantity. However, Leanne brought in home made brownies fairly regularly to keep standards up and she didn’t like to eat them herself so all was in balance.

As time moved on and the staff team swelled and diversified, all sorts of soul searching was revealed on cake days; vegans (whaaat?) fought for their slice while feeling they had abandoned their higher moral ground; CJ and I just fought over the last slice of the carrot cake (obviously the connoisseurs’ choice); meanwhile, those who felt they needed to eat more healthily struggled to stay strong in the face of all that sugary stodge.

The senior management team were at a loss as to how they could meet the needs of all the staff ethically and responsibly while still keeping to a limited budget given that we could eat cake till long after the cows had come home and that vegan cake was (& still is ) in short supply around Moretonhampstead and prohibitively expensive (I do wonder if this was the real reason that Jo handed over the reins to Rachael??).

There were other notable moments along the way – vegans calling each other out as fakes while secretly feeling more sad and angry than virtuous. Aimee’s mum’s rocky road – wow! Even I struggled to eat more than 3 pieces at a time which attests to it’s luxurious richness. Aiden even took to making his own vegan cakes and bringing them in (to share, not gloat) a few times which were very good.

And then came COVID19 and lockdown 1.0 with the clear commandment …..’ thou shalt not share food..’ This put an end to cake for sharing on any day of the week (or at least public sharing), sort of ended the argument over what was and wasn’t acceptable offering and led to Aimee gloating over her own very large supply of rocky road. It may have removed a large and potentially irresolvable problem for the senior management team and helped prevent an unavoidable budget deficit but where are we left now?

What happens when the restrictions are relaxed? I await a reply from those with the authority to take his to the next level and a pastoral responsibility.